Firstly, the Chortle.co.uk 2012 awards are here! We have won the award for best comedy club in the north seven times so far, let’s make it eight!

Vote for us here.

Secondly, our lovely MC Toby Hadoke is one of the four people nominated as Best Compere, so vote for him here and put a smile on his cheeky little face.

And finally, if you want some more podcast goodness (it’s like a radio show on the internet) as well as the XS Malarkey podcast, Toby’s got his own new podcast too, which you can listen to here.

That’s enough plugging for now. We’ll find more amusing things for you online shortly.

- BUY TICKETS HERE -

Well, apparently it was very good last Tuesday. I wasn’t at XS MALARKEY, and am rather sad I missed a good night. If you weren’t there, you should feel the same, and perhaps you could make the pilgrimage with me to see what delights are in store this week.

We have five acts ; the headliner is DAVE WILLIAMS. Dave is guaranteed to do well … he always does, the swine. Unashamedly middle class, his material is high brow without being elitist, and accessible without being lowest-common-denominator. He’s a smart, likeable, clever act, and he knows how to impress (see below):

“Inspired one-liners punctuated with surreal nonsense.” Scotland on Sunday

“An engaging and amenable performer – more will be heard of him.” Stage

“A fine, original comic mind; always surprising his audience with his wit.” Edinburgh Evening News

“Charming storyteller with a delightful grasp of silliness.” Manchester Evening News

Who else? Well, BOBBY MAIR is making his XS debut, just to prove we don’t just rest on our laurels when looking for talent to play our gig for little money. And the naive fools still keep on coming. Bobby is a comedian on the rise. In 2011, he won Stand Up and Bite Me, netting himself $10 000 and being nationally televised on Bite TV across Canada. In October 2011 he filmed his first half hour special on Canada’s largest television network. And on Tuesday … he’s at a graveyard in Fallowfield. Oh showbiz, you cruel mistress.

JOE LYCETT is off the telly, notably BBC’s Epic Win. He’s a Malarkey favourite and has some new material, probably for something illustrious which he wants to use you lot as guinea pigs for. LUKE BENSON is a charming newer act who I’ve seen in action and think is very good indeed, as is open spot HAYLEY ELLIS, who I know can do the business … which means we’re probably exploiting her (and you are the beneficiaries, you lucky so-and-sos).

I’ve done a podcast which will launch sometime within the next few hours. Have a listen if you can bear to : http://www.tobyhadoke.com/podcasts/ (it’s whimsy and sketches and some quite catchy piano-based linking jingles). There are details there about the XS Malarkey Podcast too, which is good fun.

www.xsmalarkey.com

Peace and laughter to you all,

Toby and all at …

XS Malarkey

April 22nd - Michael J Dolan, CD Recording

Extended set from Michael J Dolan

Plus support from Jonathan Mayor and James Meehan

BUY TICKETS HERE – ONLY £3

7pm Doors, 8pm Show

STAND-UP COMEDY FOR MISERABLE GROWN-UPS

Like all good people you find yourself on a perpetual quest for happiness, constantly searching, never quite finding it. There is but one simple fact that can be gleaned from your quest; TRUE HAPPINESS IS A SHAM. The only real truth is misery and nobody knows more about that than paranoid, emotionally fragile, borderline recluse and stand-up comedian Michael J Dolan.

Sure, you could go and see one of those other comedians, one of those excitable children with their fucking Final Fantasy haircuts, bouncing around the stage thinking they know anything at all, but the truth is THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU. Not really. They can never understand how much you hate your stupid friends or your dreadful family. How could they? They’re about fourteen years old.

This critically acclaimed show from one of stand-up comedy’s smartest new voices will run the full gamut of human emotion from self-loathing all the way to all the other kinds of loathing. An onslaught of hilarious negativity that you owe it to yourself to endure, because what use is unconditional love without a big healthy dose of irrational hate to balance it out?

This show will be recorded for release as a live comedy album thing so please don’t attend if you have an annoying laugh or are the sort of c*nt who can’t keep their f*cking mouth shut for an hour.

MASSIVE PRAISE FOR ‘DRESS TO DEPRESS’
“A hilarious piece of merry misanthropy. Michael J Dolan is a very, very funny man.” The Skinny
“A non-stop hour, free of padding and rich in imagery and ideas. Inherently funny.” Chortle
“Grumpiness has never been so smart and funny.” Sarah Millican

GARY DELANEY

Ray Kane

Danny McLoughlin

Iain Stirling

Lewis Costello

MC: Dan Nightingale

- Buy Tickets -

MICKEY D

Neil Cole

Red Redmond

Sarah Hendrickx

- Buy Tickets -

Hello. We at XS MALARKEY are very cheeky. Having already had SARAH MILLICAN doing one surprise appearance this year, we didn’t admit she was coming back again last week. She did, and was fantastic.

We’re making upgrades to the venue every week, but that is not all ; we have a podcast on the way, plus our survey where you can tell us your likes and dislikes about Malarkey so that we can address them (which we will because we love you).

http://www.xsmalarkey.com/survey/

Come and have a gander at where we are that though ; we’ve got a fantatsic line-up on Tuesday 24th January (of too many acts as it happens because, ahem … I’m slightly inefficient). We open with KISHORE NAYAR, who although nominally is the open spot is an act I’ve seen do very well at clubs every time I’ve shared the bill with him. I know he’s good, but we’ve bagged a freebie off him. We also have TOM GOODLIFFE who has played the club before and stormed it ; he’s an intelligent and playful comedian. MAX DICKINS is preparing for Edinburgh and is an act of high calibre and much wit who has some stuff he wants to try out. Oh, and we have anopther special guest trying out new material this week ; JOE LYCETT, whose booming tones and charming comedy have illuminated prime time Saturday TV on Epic Win.

Our headliner is MUNDO JAZZ – superb musical comedy from a Brazilian folk singer whose tunes are as catchy as they are hilarious. You can also buy his anti-capitalist merchandise. He was runner-up in City Life Comedian Of The Year some time back:

“Mundo Jazz combines genuinely thrilling harmonies and killer songs with side-splitting gags. His solution to Third World debt is the best joke I’ve ever heard. Period.”  - The Times

It’s quite an eclectic line-up, and the venue is getting better every week. Tell your friends.

- Buy Tickets Here -

SEYMOUR MACE

Matt Hollins

James Meehan

+ another special super-secret set from a high profile act!

- Buy tickets here -

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So, the festive season is over and therefore any legally permitted fun is now outlawed for another 12 months. Well, we mavericks at XS MALARKEY COMEDY CLUB say tish and pish to the protocol imposed upon the poor public, and have procured some premier punsters for your patronage. We start the year in fine form on Tuesday 10th January.

Those who missed our Christmas gig will kick themselves when they discover that our secret guest for our final gig of 2011 was none other than Phill Jupitus from Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Not bad for £3! We have more special guests of equal calibre laid on this year too. Would we start 2012 with one? Would we ? Well, that’s a secret, but in this mailout we’re only going to reveal the identity of three of our acts so …

DAVID LONGLEY is our headliner: he’s smart and challenges comedic taboos with material that is on one hand intelligent hand on the other, well, laden with faeces. He’s one of the most interesting acts on the circuit, but has enough live experience to lace his thoughtful asides with plenty of belly laughs.  It’s not for nothing that Edinburgh magazine The List described him as “As intense and intelligent a performer as you’re likely to see.” And they see a lot of comedy.

Jonathan Paylor is a Manchetser stalwart who never fails to deliver with his high quality material – genuinely likeable and with an eye for the absurd. He has a joke about pizza. And one about football. He is also a gay.

Luke Graves is the open spot (hopefully he’ll be good, but go on, be honest, you quite like it when they’re not don’t you?) and we’re all looking forward to packing outPlatt Chapel. If you’ve not been to our terrific new venue we urge you to check it out – and please spread the word about us as some people still think we closed down when Remedy got destroyed (we didn’t, we’re still here). Spread the word by your mouth or your internet:

@xsmalarkey on Twitter (follow us and we’ll tell you jokes for free)

Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/xsmalarkey (“Like” us, go on, we feed off the attention)

Give yourselves time to find us ; Google Maps haven’t quite got to grips with our location yet so don’t do a post code search. Best way to find us is to get to the entrance to Old Hall Lane and the MMU toast rack on Wilmslow Road. We’re opposite. Platt Chapel looks like a Chapel and is on Platt Fields. Hence the name.

Doors open at 7pm, Show starts at 8.30. You can buy tickets on the door, or you can buy tickets online in advance.

Peace and chuckles,

XS Malarkey

Thanks to everyone who joined us for our special Christmas gig with Phill Jupitus and the post-show party.

More (better quality) photos coming soon…

Before we take our Christmas break, we’ll be saying goodbye to 2011 with a gig AND Christmas Party all in one night.

The first section of the evening starts at 8.30PM, with some comedy from our very own Toby Hadoke, plus Dan Nightingale, Eddie Hoo and our super secret TV star XS Malarkey debut headliner! Usual door prices there.

However, from *approximately* 10.15pm onwards, we’ll be kicking off the post-show party, all the way through to 2am. There will be food. There will be music. There will be Karaoke. There will be much fun basically. Enough Malarkey, erm, malarkey to keep you going until we return on 10th January. If you’re arriving after the first section, entrance to the party is totally free with an XS Malarkey Card or a printout of the invitation below:

By the way – as is normal for our end-of-year parties, we’re expecting you all to get dressed up nice and smart with your best suits and dresses on.

Woo hoo!

(Click for a full size copy of the invitation)