HOLLY WALSH

Crikey! What a lovely gig we have for you this week. We’ve got a Malarkey debut from HOLLY WALSH.

Holly has a string of TV and radio appearances to her name, appearing on panel shows like Mock The Week, 8 out of 10 cats and Never Mind The Buzzcocks. She’s also been on Dave’s One Night Stand, Charlie Brooker’s You Have Been Watching and… well, we could go on and on. But we won’t. Basically, if you’re not getting what we’re saying, she is awesome and in great demand.

Rory O’Hanlon is a Dubliner with loads of experience at the Edinburgh Fringe, Jayne Edwards is one of those acts who gets better every time you see her, and we’ve got one more act to be confirmed.

Buy tickets in advance here – http://bit.ly/KY67A7 – or on the door as usual.

TUDUR OWEN

Hello Malarkeyites,

I’ve been away more than I have been present at the Best Comedy Club In The North (official) recently. I don’t absent myself lightly: last week was a last minute change because something I was filming had a schedule shift. A documentary maker told me he wanted me to jump off a building. Now, I’m sure a fair few of you wish I’d jump off a building most weeks, but he offered me money and cameras which were like a red rag to an attention seeking bull who hasn’t got very much money. So I jumped off a building. Come along to XS this Tuesday to see if I’m still the same shape.

But that’s not the only reason: debutant headliner TUDUR OWEN is the main one, actually. He’s a mellifluous Welshman who is new to the club so even you hardened regulars will be shown plenty of unseen comedy gems to marvel at. He’s had his own shows on Welsh TV and is immensely likeable, so I know you’ll enjoy his stuff. I always get excited when an act new to the gig crosses our threshold; it’d be nice if there was a posse to greet him. ROLAND GENT should need no introduction; years back he won a competition to find the best emerging act that XS had put on, and now he’s a regular of the Manchester scene. He’s got a load of new material since he last played for us, so he’s a familiar and trusted face making new amusing noises with the mouth shaped thing just below the middle of it. ADNAN AHMED is something of a bonus for a first section slot as he’s quite experienced and tackles difficult subjects with an admirable lightness of touch and lack of showboating, whilst open spot LEE GROUNDS promises solidity where often we might not expect it. He was a paid act a few years ago who then took a sabbatical from comedy to do something less idiotic, but has been lured back to the fold again. The berk.

It’s the day after a Bank Holiday this Tuesday, so help us buck the trend of potential quietness by filling us up a bit. We need your support more than ever so keep spreading the word and coming to see us. It’d be great if we could keep these Tuesdays booming and busy as the summer approaches.

www.xsmalarkey.com

Yadayadayada about Facebook and Twitter et cetera et cetera ad infinitum.

Peace and laughter,

Toby and

XS Malarkey

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SALLY-ANNE HAYWARD

Join us! Tuesday 1st May, Platt Chapel, 8.30pm.

James Acaster: Amongst Other Things National Tour 2012

After a fantastic year touring the UK supporting Milton Jones and Josie Long, and a smash-hit run at Edinburgh Festival, one of the country’s most exciting young comedians James Acaster brings his critically acclaimed debut tour show to XS Malarkey.

James often makes good/very good first impressions on other people’s parents, he believes this bodes well for his show and wants you to know that. Expect gangly limbs, fond memories and references to Weetabix. As seen on Russell Howard’s Good News, Show & Tell and Dave’s One Night Stand, don’t miss the chance to see this brilliant young comedian on the start of his path to super-stardom.

“ a mixed style of story-telling and philosophising that hasn’t been perfected so well since possibly Daniel Kitson.” Edinburgh Evening News *****

“Acaster is an undeniable and wickedly original talent” The List ****

“blisteringly funny and highly original” FEST ****

“delightfully whimsical, deliciously daft!” London Evening Standard ****

BOOK HERE

MATT GREEN

XS MALARKEY this Tuesday is funny. It has some men on stage. They will take it in turns to speak into a microphone. The words they say will be amusing. This will cause the people there to laugh. This will brighten up their day and ultimately stop them going on some sort of spree due to the cruel and unpleasant state of the world. The men’s names are MATT GREEN (clever, charming and from the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes advert), BEN LAWES (experienced support act), JAY HAMPSON and JAMIE KILDAY (Malarkey debuts). It takes place in a disused church. This fact alone is funny.

April 22nd – Michael J Dolan, CD Recording

Extended set from Michael J Dolan

Plus support from Jonathan Mayor and James Meehan

BUY TICKETS HERE – ONLY £3

7pm Doors, 8pm Show

STAND-UP COMEDY FOR MISERABLE GROWN-UPS

Like all good people you find yourself on a perpetual quest for happiness, constantly searching, never quite finding it. There is but one simple fact that can be gleaned from your quest; TRUE HAPPINESS IS A SHAM. The only real truth is misery and nobody knows more about that than paranoid, emotionally fragile, borderline recluse and stand-up comedian Michael J Dolan.

Sure, you could go and see one of those other comedians, one of those excitable children with their fucking Final Fantasy haircuts, bouncing around the stage thinking they know anything at all, but the truth is THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU. Not really. They can never understand how much you hate your stupid friends or your dreadful family. How could they? They’re about fourteen years old.

This critically acclaimed show from one of stand-up comedy’s smartest new voices will run the full gamut of human emotion from self-loathing all the way to all the other kinds of loathing. An onslaught of hilarious negativity that you owe it to yourself to endure, because what use is unconditional love without a big healthy dose of irrational hate to balance it out?

This show will be recorded for release as a live comedy album thing so please don’t attend if you have an annoying laugh or are the sort of c*nt who can’t keep their f*cking mouth shut for an hour.

MASSIVE PRAISE FOR ‘DRESS TO DEPRESS’
“A hilarious piece of merry misanthropy. Michael J Dolan is a very, very funny man.” The Skinny
“A non-stop hour, free of padding and rich in imagery and ideas. Inherently funny.” Chortle
“Grumpiness has never been so smart and funny.” Sarah Millican

Top line up this week. Headliner Wes Zaharuk messed about for us a year or so ago but he’s never done a proper headline set at Malarkey: till now. He’s a true one off, an off the wall, inventive act who isn’t just one man and a mic, oh no. You’ll not see our stage used in quite this way before (or quite so awash with props). Wes is a TV regular at home in Canada, and well known for demanding that his sell-out audiences expect the unexpected. A joy: and not an act you’ll see at the other Manchester clubs so much, so lap it up at the Chapel!

Our middle spots have been fabulius of late and Sean McGloughlin is no exception.He’s an excellent comedian developing into one of those acts who is always hit, never miss, which is a joy to behold. We also have Allyson June Smith, another Canadian whose warm observational style won her huge applause when I gigged with her the other week(we’re lucky to have her where she is on the bill, but if you don’t tell her, I won’t). Michael J Dolan is doing a bit more of his desperately funny misanthropic-outburst-comedy (Mike’s doing a full hour on Sunday as well; so go along to that if you can, he deserves the support and his star is ascendent), and Fern Brady is a talented young comedian who knows a thing or two about generating laughter.

So go to the chapel, not to get married, but to have a laugh.

£5

Doors open at 7pm, Show starts at 8.30pm.

- BUY TICKETS HERE -

We have a quality supporting line-up too : Diane Spencer was a best newcomer nominee at last year’s Chorlte awards and deservedly so: she a filthy mouthed Aussie with eye popping material. Geoff The Entertainer is another piece of brilliant, pathos ridden charcter comedy from the prolific and intelligent Lee Fenwick (the man behind Mick Sergeant and one half of Die Clattershenkenfietermaus: if you don’t know who I mean, then get down immediately to find out, as you’ve already missed a heck of a lot of prime comedy). We also have the excellent Danny Sutcliffe and local favourite Phil Ellis. What a night. Come on down ; it’s better than staying in and watching telly or going on some sort of emotionally driven murder spree (which is also currently not allowed, according to the laws laid down by Her Majesty’s police force … don’t shoot the messanger (also illegal btw)).

STEVE HALL

OMG, it’s like totally well sick at XS MALARKEY this week. You’ll, like, literally LOL.

(hopes that is enough to entice the youthful demographic)

STEVE HALL is a member of WE ARE KLANG, the Perrier nominated sketch group who have had their own TV series. They’re funny – and he’s no less funny on his own. He’s intelligent and offbeat, and is much sought after as a gag writer too. So it is a delight to have him headliner for us for the very first time. He has appeared on Russell Howard’s Good News and is described thusly :

“Breathtaking comic firepower.” – Kate Copstick, The Scotsman

“Steve Hall is the most intelligent stand-up you’ve never heard of – his debut solo show was a masterpiece” – GQ

“his phrasing is joyous and his choice of words close to poetic…tales of hilarious woe” – Metro

“Russell Howard’s fine support act” – The Times

In support we have Phil Chapman who is making a long awaited debut at the club (see, we keep the bills fresh and try to avoid repetition; not bad for a club that runs nearly every week of the year). Hanks And Conran have both played the gig separately, but not in their current Double Act form; individually their have sharp comic minds and are experienced performers. Together they should be dynamite. Lady shaped dynamite. Georgie Carroll is a comic over from Australia for a very short time and we managed to squeeze an appearance in by being terribly clever, and Paual Savage is the open spot.

We will also have Chili for £3 a plate, so if you want to fill up on hearty, affordable nosh beforehand and then settle down for a bill made up entirely of acts yet to grace our stage, then you can do that. Bear in mind too, that we were offered top dollar to accomodate an office party of 35, which would have earned us a lot of much needed cash … and we turned them down. And that is because XS Malarkey prides itself on being a club where comedy and the performers and the discerning punter come first, rather than raking in wads of cash. But we’d likesome cash please, so don’t make us feel like Charlies by staying away this week!

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JOHNNY CANDON

Hello you awful people,

(Not really, I think you’re ace)

Why on Earth don’t you come down to XS MALARKEY on Tuesday? It’s a quite splendid gig from top to bottom, it really is. Probably the most consistently strong line-up we’ve had in a while. Headliner Johnny Candon is – well, boy, he’s a talker. He’s a blithering idiot from Ireland but he’s utterly charming and a very enjoyable comic. He’s only done XS once before because he’s very busy at all the major clubs, so it’s a rare treat when we get this lovely fellow on. In support, Nick Sun is a wayward comic, sure, but that’s because he mines rich satirical seams and straddles the groud between nervous breakdown and genius. I’ve seen his work a lot recently; he’ll certainly make you sit up, he’s got lots to say, and boy can he wrangle the sickest of laughs. I’m astonished we’ve got Benny Boot to come and do an open spot for us; he was headlining at the last gig with him and he ripped it. It’s esoteric, oddball material but very well done and he’s a treat to watch. Colin Owens is another strong act too good to be doing our opening section: we start very, very strongly, (which augurs well all round).

Why should you come? Because I’m a mere 38 years old and I’m up at midnight drinking Peppermint Tea in Travelodge (I had to bring the tea, they don’t have it – anything other than ordinary tea would play havoc with their system) having refused free pizza at a gig tonight to instead have salad. Why? Because life has a habit of making all those normal, everyday, enjoyable and necessary things you do like eating and drinking suddenly turn around and bite back and tell you that you have to strictly control your intake lest obesity, liver failure, heart disease and various other ailment-gits decide, for no good reason, to make your life a misery.

So what I’m saying is, take it from one who knws. Enjoy yourself while you can, because you won’t always be able to. And also, XS MALARKEY is the only thing that is enjoyable and good for you that doesn’t make you ill or expect the very essence of your soul in return!

Follow us on Twitter (@xsmalarkey) and Facebook.

Pease And Laughter,

T

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